The Bridge

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He’s standing before a bridge hovering above endless space. There’s not much light in his world, but there’s lots of it across this bridge. The problem is, it’s not much of a bridge, it’s just a plank.
Oh God, he thinks, I can’t do this…
It’s too scary! I’m going to fall for sure.

“Why are you hesitating and why would you fall?” he hears a voice in his head. “Did you not desire more light and do you not consider yourself somewhat of a daredevil?

“Yes but this is different! Look at this this. This is ridiculous. There’s no bottom!
I don’t wanna do this, I don’t wanna die!!!”

“First my dear, it is not possible to die so that’s not even an argument. Secondly within you there’s no bottom either. You are as bottomless as the pit you are standing before. It’s quantum mechanics. You should learn about it . It’s SO COOL. You like ‘cool’, don’t you? Did you know you too are all space inside just like Me. What else could you be than this entire universe? It is your mind that creates the scary thoughts. Your salvation rests in conquering you fear and when you reach the other side you will realize the light you see, is inside you. Besides are you not considered a champion of plank-crossing?You have been perfectly prepared for this challenge. The magnificence of my plan is just mind boggling, isn’t it?! Now gather yourself, go within and still you mind. I will meet you at the other side”


The mirror

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I’m looking at myself in the mirror feeling rather confronted by the ‘me’ staring back at me. Observing this strange creature, I’m feeling uneasy. She’s peering back at me, scrutinizing, searching for herself.
”Who are you, I ask? Here, it’s just you and me, you know!”

“I’m me”, she says, “and I would so love you to be SEEING…me. To reaaaally see me, to see me with your heart. I want you to see my beauty. I want you to see my spark and I want you to see my spirit and my love, and, I especially I want you to love you!”

“But How do I see ‘me’ beyond my aging face? Beyond the wrinkles and the tiredness? Beyond the discouragement and the disappointments? How do I stop censoring myself and censoring life and people? How do I love the ones who hurt and above all how do I love myself despite everything?

You’re not your thoughts blessed soul. You’re not just an image frozen in time and space tricked by your mind made up of ideas. You’re not just all you think you know. You’re not just all your experiences. You’re not who you think you are. Ever wondered upon which your thoughts arise? What wonder awaits beyond your knowing! Does your heartbeat count the days passing? Does the flower need crying out for the bees? Does the cloud hold back the rain? Does the night steal upon the day? Why then, not lay your mind to rest and let life shine upon your joyful heart? Just be the love I know your soul to be, infinite as the universe.


Time for a 10 day fast

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Let’s face it, 2018 was the rollercoaster of a life time experience with as many ups as there were downs and thank goodness it’s over and done. For me it happened in grand style on New Year’s Eve when the remnants of lifetimes of grief, anger, frustrations and victimhood, splattered across the pavement. Time for a reset and fast and some serious New Year’s resolution. From now on, no more escapism. Right….

Starting the fast wasn’t much of a problem because I couldn’t have swallowed anything anyway, even if I wanted to. I have been building up myself up to it for some time…spending loads of time with my mum who at 82 is a bit of a legend. She drinks, smokes and people think she’s in her sixties. Once someone even asked if we were sisters. I didn’t think it was funny! Anyways, staying straight with her is a bit of a challenge when it doesn’t take much to be swayed.  

I have always been an extremist. On the one hand a die-hard party girl, a lucky-go-happy type who loves being in company preferably a glass of wine in one hand and a lover in the other I can drag unto the dance floor.  Dancing, second to lovemaking, is definitely my all-time favourite pastime. Nothing beats emptying my mind and let the body move to music that lights my fire! Ah the unmistakable surge of heat… At least I’m not thinking then; not about my situation and what I must do, should do or can’t do and I’m not thinking about food….but since I can’t dance from morning till evening, I do end up thinking a whole lot about food and stuff that needs to be contained from once in a while. Like wiping a slate clean and to start off 2019 on the right foot, I decided to fast, 10 days, just to make sure I will have a better grip on myself. As I’m writing this today is my 10th day! Alleluia! I’m feeling totally amazing. Yesterday I walked for 3hrs through the forest going uphill, downhill, then went shopping. My mind is clear, my speech is brighter and I’m not so much looking for my words anymore. According to Mellen Thomas, who since his very powerful NDE, has the ability to tap into universal intelligence, memory is not only dependent on the brain. In fact, it seems we all have the ability to tap into universal memory or intelligence. It’s called inspiration.

So here is a diary of the last 10 days.

Day 1 to 3:
Hot lemon juice, herb tea. As much as I need to feel a little full. I’m feeling awful. Can’t stand on my legs for too long and my head is spinning. Thank God for Netflix.
Day 4:
Hot lemon juice, Kefir, fresh mint tea (I managed to drag myself to the shop to buy some mint). Netflix (Orange is the new Black. Those chicks are so cool. Wish I could talk like that but with these scrambled eggs masquerading as my brain, fat chance) Am I comparing myself again?
Friend came by for a walk in the forest. (I read somewhere you need to exercise). Dunno who came up with that idea. I nearly had a heart attack.

Day 5: 
Morning: Hot lemon juice, kefir, fresh mint tea. Evening: organic vegetables bouillon. It’s soooo good! (Netflix: More Orange is the new Black)
I’m starting to feel human again, but still constipated despite the lemon juice and kefir. I did some online research.
Day 6,7
Morning: Hot lemon juice, Kefir, fresh mint tea. Evening Vegetable bouillon  
Day 8
Morning: Hot lemon juice, Kefir, fresh mint tea, unsweetened almond milk spiced with turmeric, pepper, cinnamon, ginger (simply divine). Evening Vegetable bouillon
I’m feeling better by the minute. My energy is high, my brain feels bright and my inspiration is once again alive and kicking. I created three new Sparks on my phone in one day.
Day 9, 10
Menu Morning: Hot lemon juice, Kefir, fresh mint tea, unsweetened almond milk spiced with turmeric, pepper, cinnamon, ginger (simply divine). Evening Vegetable bouillon but on last day time I’m eating the vegetables.
Holy shit, I have never felt so good. It just an amazing feeling to be clear and clean inside. No wind, no feeling bloated.

So, there you go. Just 10 days ago I felt like a hopeless basket case. I was hoping the fast would clear my mind and kick start my inspiration which had sort of died down lately.  I couldn’t have hoped for a greater result. It’s everything I had hoped for and more. Now, with a tenfold determination to give birth to my dreams, I’m planning on staying the course. 2019 is going to be a great year. I can feel it!!!


Choosing between what feels good and what is right


Recently I had a difficult choice to make and in doing so it has come to my attention that choosing for what  feels good in the immediate future, can be mistaken for what is right. And by right I mean the choice that will deliver our highest potential. The stuff we feel really passionate about. 

Following our heart is by far the scariest of options and every so often I find myself drifting towards escapism when venturing closer to the edge of the unknown, where we come face to face with our fear of failure. Can I really trust myself? Am I good enough? Won't I make a fool of myself when I start teaching? Am I ready? Of course, in theory I know it's ego on a rampage taking my mind hostage because when I'm meditating and truly present, in my heart and tuned in, I'm totally at peace in an exhalted state of bliss. I have to remind myself, I have nothing to prove. Only to be here now, to love and be in service.  

I was quite young, maybe 18 I had a significant dream showing me my state of mind. In my dream I was hopping behind my sister down a path leading towards the edge of an abyss. My sister confidently jumped into the void, no problem at all. I, on the other hand, came to a screeching halt collapsing on all fours at the edge. I was terrified. A fire truck appeared hovering in the void rolling out a ladder leaning on a plank that now bridged the edge of the ravine and the ladder. A friendly fireman came forth who wanted to help me. Walking half way across the plank, he encouraged me to cross the plank. Regardless, I was too terrified and fainted in my dream! 

Years later, when I was about 45, I had another significant dream. In the meantime I had read the ‘Conversations With God’ books of Neale Donald Walsh, which made a huge difference to my understanding of life. This time I was about to be sucked into a HUGE whirlpool in the middle of the ocean. The whirlpool was so large, it even had a cargo ship in it that looked like a toy. As I'm about to go down, I remember to ask God for help. In that very moment, I'm catapulted upwards and I'm flying across the ocean, seeing whales and dolphins swimming under the water. 

There truly is nothing to fear...and I'm the first one who needs to remind myself of it because we live in world of energies that trigger us. That's the reason why meditation is such a must….and breathing deeply.

God, or Source Energy or whatever you want to call It, being all-knowing and pure love has got our back. Best is then, instead of worrying about the details, to wake up feeling blessed and grateful.  So THANK YOU GOD for everything and give yourself the thumbs up! Sure as heaven, life will turn out all-right. We are heros!

In Love and Light



There's Nothing Quite As Inspiring As to Feel Inspired

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There was a time I couldn't stand poetry. Today I totally get it even though it’s still a faraway universe. Poets are like the illuminated cherries on the pie. Ok so you don't need to eat too many cherries either, that's nauseating. Poetry is meant to be read in homeopathic doses. Nevertheless, they are divinely inspired and are meant to be savoured slowly. Therefore reading poetry requires patience and a certain amount of presence, something I acquired recently, at least for kindergarden poetry. Maybe because now I consider myself an aspiring poet. It's not really my niche but really, I totally get it and I do love writing.  I especially love the feeling of going into the heart waiting for the whispers to rise from within floating past the mind. It feels so true and real when you hear it. It feels like yourself or you exploring new lands. I get that feeling when I'm walking into a forest or when I cook. You can't force to make it happen. You can't control the process and neither is it something you can remember. No wonder kids can't sit still. They are dying to be inspired. They don't enjoy copying or rehearsing or memorizing. They want to create like we all do but most grown-ups have mastered the art of ignoring the inner voice which is a tragedy. Imagine a world filled with people who are happy and content feeling invigourated by their day spent creating another masterpiece. Every day is Sunday. Every day is a day inspired feeling so very much alive because your heart pulsates to the beat of the universe. Every day you wake up with a passion for life forever creating waves of bliss. It’s supreme ecstasy even more so because you have mastered your fear so you know your blissful state is never going away. You are plugged in, heart and mind are alligned and it feels solid! 

Just as we are all born with different fingerprints, so we are all born with a very special talent. We ALL have a very special talent that we do better than anyone else. That is our gift from the divine light within. We are all geniuses. The day I decided to start following my heart, I became a genius. You too can become a genius. It’s so easy because the only requirement is to start doing what you love most and what comes EASY. Easy is the opposite of disease which is what happens when your follow ego agendas. Stuff that gives you a sense of entitlement because for years you had to work so very hard to obtain it. Yet deep down you know…..Who dreamt of becoming a divorce lawyer or working for Goldman Sachs when they were 6?

True happiness is only realized when originality is finally able to shine through. It restores self-esteem and unknown faculties become alive. For example, you start to recognize your inner guidance system. When there’s too much going on in the head because you are trying to figure things out, you end up feeling exhausted. But when you are in allignment engaged in an activity you feel passionate about, you are present and you pay attention to the ideas and hints that jump to mind. Feeling erect in the spine, the speech becomes clear and powerful as you express your ideas with confidence.

The natural condition of life is to live without fear. Fear is not real and darkness is nothingness. You can never add dark. I learned that from Osho. You can only ever fill the darkness with light. Therefore the nature of life or God is 'light’ and the feeling of light is love. How do we know this? Because we are created in the image of God. It’s just that before you awaken, you imagine God loves like we have been taught to love; conditionally. But observe in natural. It arises when you still your mind. It even has a sound; OM. No one should ever chant OM like a robot, but wait for OM to arise when you are tuned in and your vibration has gone up. It will arise naturally.  

Once awake, we realize we are mirrored images of God and separation is only an illusion. Our life, our experiences is entirely our universe. The whole of it is a reflection of the content of our mind, manifested thoughts, feelings and underlying feelings. If all this feels a bit daunting, no need to worry, there's more help out there then we can possibly imagine. We only have to ask. Is it not with the faith of a mustard seed that mountains are moved?  We do need to ask however for divine law prevents us from receiving unless we ask. We truly are free in every sense of the word. 


In love and light



Monoculture mind versus divine mind

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Just like strong plants need a healthy soil, so does a strong imagination require a healthy foundation. An imagination without a strong foundation is at risk of being prone to unhealthy tendencies rooted in fear. Not that there's anything to reject; it's just a question of what you choose to cultivate. Our world today is built upon ideals that mirror monoculture practices in need of specialists who develop labour intensive unsustainable methods that generate business to fertilizer and pesticide manufacturers. This approach is also compatible with some other beliefs; the more complex something is the more valuable it is and the harder you work for it the more deserving it is because life wasn’t meant to be easy. As a consequence, everyone, Mother Earth included, is feeling dis-eased, exhausted, disempowered and unbalanced as the within is out of touch with the without.

Monoculture mind is rooted in separation consciousness and stems from feeling abandoned by parents tending to their mono-cultured garden. This feeling of abandonment makes you lose faith and trust in life, in yourself and as a consequence you seek information outside yourself. It also generates a need to be seen and heard and what better place than a podium to tower above others. It is what sparks the love of competition, the need to be first, to be better, to be right, to be in control. To achieve this goal we acquire degrees, dress to kill, buy cool houses and fast cars, go after promotions, big bank accounts and everything else that puts us on a pedestal. Then you need a fortress to protect yourself from the ne’er do wells. 

The opposite of a monoculture mind is one that is rooted in divine inspiration. When we are truly anchored in our hearts totally here and now, trusting life, feeling nurtured, loved and at peace then we are totally relaxed and ready to be inspired. The divine can only communicate through inspiration as those are the ideas that jump to mind out of nowhere. When you feel truly inspired, you are totally here and now and time is not of the essence. The key to this life is having faith that all will be provided in good time because in order to plug into divine inspiration, one has to let go of all expectations and all thoughts. When you are attached to nothing, believing nothing, expecting nothing, totally unobstructed, pure feeling, no thoughts, no concerns, no plans, no preconceived knowing, you become a conduit for divine downloads of information. This information is felt. They are the sudden inspiration; the knowing without reason. Imagine being hollow like a bamboo that turns into a flute when the divine blows through a melody. Feel into your heart. Feel the information. Speak spontaneously without censorship and trust what comes up.

Faith is key. Enlightenment is having total faith in yourself and the divine to work through you to bring about the most fulfilling experience for yourself and the wellbeing of all. Only then can you maintain presence. Each lifetime our faith is tested when we lose significant attachments such as financial security, a status symbol, a relationship or finding yourself stranded somewhere in the middle of nowhere in the dark without a map. Rebuilding life from the ashes or finding our way out of a virtual maze are the initiations we signed up for because we were ready.  It makes faith grow strong and consequently what makes the heart grow strong. Letting go of control or chasing after a pole position in life is the single biggest challenge. Likewise chasing lovers either pushes them away or attracts lesser options that propels us further on our healing journey towards self-realization.

But all this is not possible without surrendering our will to divine will.  Surrendering goes hand in hand with faith because the divine’s radar encompasses the whole and Its intention is love pure and simple. That same unconditional loving intention also ensures that we will receive more for doing less. If you contemplate pristine nature you’ll see incredible abundance that just thrives effortlessly without wasted energy. It’s not very hard to know how to follow the path of least effort because usually it is the next step you FEEL like taking. It’s sad that for many people, doing what they love and is fun is relegated to the sidelines.

This is for sure as uncomfortable for many because we have been taught that unless it is hard, it is worth less. That is how corporate funded governments manage to convince gods to work in the factories and pay taxes following orders, doing non creative work that is almost always harmful for Mother Earth. Add to the mix the living conditions that are becoming increasingly difficult and you get the picture of the sense of the pressure most are feeling and the urgency to get unto that podium.  

So recapitulate, faith is key because it allows for the divine solutions to enter your reality. Divine soul-utions gravitate towards the greater good of all, therefore is supportive because as One we need to integrate all parts as they all play a supporting role in a symbiotic universe. When we feel supported we breathe better and deeper allowing for inspiration to rise. 
A monoculture mind on the other hand fails to realize we are the whole and we are One. Monocultures also need constant feeding and pest control. Those are the degrees, the rewards, the exclusive nature of society, the recognition you receive when you are standing on a podium.


Some days are just a pain

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Some days are just a pain....I go from feeling on top of the world to down in the dugeons.....

I know I'm offloading painful feelings at the moment and I'm observing it. Fortunately I don't identify myself with them anymore. I'm not lost or desperate. I know it will come to pass and then the sun will be shining ever so brightly again. Still it's a pain and you wonder when it's all going to stop. I'm gifted, yet I feel utterly useless, frightened and abandonned sometimes. Yes it's all coming up...all an illusion to be felt. All programming to be seen for what it is...a pain...plain and simple.
I do feel I have the tools in my workbag however to fix these moods....I meditate. When I meditate I first go into a state of pure awareness...then I summon the Light of the Universe and surrender my troubles. Soon the universe will send relief. It's what always happens. The pain is only there to be seen and felt before the oh so sweet release comes. I feel twice as loved then. You have to ask for it of course. 

I also meditate out loud. I speak the words. It makes it more powerful. First I breathe about a million times in my body and sacred heart. I imagine I am like the filled with stars. I am so much more than the 53 year old Carmelliea, daughter, sister, mother, ex-wife, girlfriend, teacher, student, Belgian-Australian citizen...I state loud out:  I Am the essence of Life. I am the joyful expression of the divine sparkling and bright, I am trust and I am confidence. I am the love that abounds. I am the sea of inspiration. I am limitless and I am infinity. I Am Magnificence and I Am the LIght. I Am that I Am! And then I breathe some more. I breathe and I breathe...until my whole body is activated with an energy that allows for my Higher Self to embody my being. Then I'm on top again.....until the next load comes up to be cleared.....

Today I made this drawing....they tend to channel my inner feeling state...