Some days are just a pain

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Some days are just a pain....I go from feeling on top of the world to down in the dugeons.....

I know I'm offloading painful feelings at the moment and I'm observing it. Fortunately I don't identify myself with them anymore. I'm not lost or desperate. I know it will come to pass and then the sun will be shining ever so brightly again. Still it's a pain and you wonder when it's all going to stop. I'm gifted, yet I feel utterly useless, frightened and abandonned sometimes. Yes it's all coming up...all an illusion to be felt. All programming to be seen for what it is...a pain...plain and simple.
I do feel I have the tools in my workbag however to fix these moods....I meditate. When I meditate I first go into a state of pure awareness...then I summon the Light of the Universe and surrender my troubles. Soon the universe will send relief. It's what always happens. The pain is only there to be seen and felt before the oh so sweet release comes. I feel twice as loved then. You have to ask for it of course. 

I also meditate out loud. I speak the words. It makes it more powerful. First I breathe about a million times in my body and sacred heart. I imagine I am like the filled with stars. I am so much more than the 53 year old Catherine Hewitt, daughter, sister, mother, ex-wife, girlfriend, teacher, student, Belgian-Australian citizen...I state loud out:  I Am the essence of Life. I am the joyful expression of the divine sparkling and bright, I am trust and I am confidence. I am the love that abounds. I am the sea of inspiration. I am limitless and I am infinity. I Am Magnificence and I Am the LIght. I Am that I Am! And then I breathe some more. I breathe and I breathe...until my whole body is activated with an energy that allows for my Higher Self to embody my being. Then I'm on top again.....until the next load comes up to be cleared.....

Today I made this drawing....they tend to channel my inner feeling state....and since I'm highly emphatic meaning I pick up the moods of the reflects the wider consciousness as well.